Ok as you may have noticed... I haven't posted here in a while...
For a good reason though... I've found my attention span is better suited to Tumblr. So I've been posting there...
JP's Miscellaneous Crap
Anyway I'll be there for a while... Come visit. You can also still email me... and find me on Twitter....
Monday, April 25, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Post 145
Howdy ho neighbors...
Until 2006 when a Kentucky High School science teacher, "Tericka Dye", was revealed to be "Rikki Andersin". Ms Dye resigned her position at the high school, went on Dr Phil to lament the mistakes of her past and again disappeared into the anonymity that is "normal" American life...
This is Rikki Andersin.
As you might have surmised by the name, the giant hair, the revealing tits and the SUPER short dress... Rikki is a porn star. Rikki starred in a number of porn films in the mid 90s...
Then Rikki retired from film making and disappeared into anonymity that is "normal" American life...
Until 2006 when a Kentucky High School science teacher, "Tericka Dye", was revealed to be "Rikki Andersin". Ms Dye resigned her position at the high school, went on Dr Phil to lament the mistakes of her past and again disappeared into the anonymity that is "normal" American life...Until yesterday... when a teacher in a suburban St Louis school, "Tera Myers" was revealed to be none other than "Rikki Andersin". Again she is out of a job.
Seriously people... how long will she have to pay for the mistakes she made as a young kid?
Ms Dye/Myers was reported to be an outstanding teacher, one that the students looked up to. She got her teaching degree by putting herself through college thanks to a stint in the US Army and the GI Bill.
Ms Dye/Myers... If you ever land in Indianapolis, I will wholeheartedly support your desire to teach. Good luck ma'am with all your do.
---
Things that annoy me #1:
The bathroom here has an fucked up layout...
Ok... so you go in... and there's one toilet stall...then a urinal... then another toilet stall... who puts a urinal BETWEEN two toilet stalls? So if I just have to pee I walk, pass a stall, turn into the urinal and... OH SHIT someone's already there... then you have to act like an idiot and change direction immediately and duck into the stall before the guy already standing there realizes you almost ran into him while he was peeing.
Things that annoy me #2:
When you come to a stop light or a stop sign, there's a very thick white line on the road. The idea is to stop BEHIND the line. Ok I can understand if you're make a foot or so over it. It's a big car, sometimes it's not simple to stop it on a dime. But what the fuck people, why do you pull ALL the way over it?
Oh and then... there's the creepers... people who stop at a stop light then sloooooooowly creep forward waiting for the light to turn green... by the time the light turns green they're almost in the middle of the fucking intersection. Then it DOES turn green and they go.... with the acceleration of a snail.
----
Dear Newt Gingrich:
So let me get this straight... While you were crucifying Bill Clinton for boinking an intern you were having your own affair. Ok, for the record, I'm not justifying what Clinton did... He lied under oath and that's a crime. But your moral high ground was shattered Newt when you admitted to the affair...
Now... now you're trying to claim that your "passion" for your country led you to make bad personal decisions including having an affair? REALLY?!?! It's not my fault I played hide the salami with someone other than my wife because I was SO passionate for my country I had to do it.
What the ever loving fuck.
---
Speaking of idiots... Representative Peter King opened hearings on if Muslims in America are doing enough to help in the fight against radical Islam... Really? Yeah because you know all Muslims should... wait... why is it just Muslims? So if you don't speak out against terrorists that are in your ethnic group you're tacitly supporting them? Gee Mr Peabody, that sounds vaguely familiar. Yes, Sherman, let's take a trip in the Wayback Machine...
---
Dumb commercial of the day... commercial for "doing the right thing" which shows a teenager finding a purse a woman left at a bus stop. He waits for the woman to come back, gives the purse to her who thanks him and goes on her way.
This is all witnessed by some cops who call the kid over... "Hey kid, nice move..." And then proceeds to offer the kid a donut.
Yes... Because all cops have a box of donuts in their car...
---
Finally a PSA to any EMT out there...
If you find a severed body part in an accident... regardless of how long it's been since the accident happened... YOU CANNOT KEEP THE BODY PART.
Apparently we have to tell EMTs this because some nimrod down in Florida (and WHY is it always Florida that has the idiots???) found a foot in a car after it was in an accident. The owner of the car had long since been evacuated to the hospital so there was no chance the foot could be reattached. Nonetheless, Cynthia Economou decided that since he wasn't going to need it, she'd keep the foot and use it to train her rescue dog.
Uh..... wut?
In 2009 she was convicted of petty theft and is being sued by the owner of the foot...
----
Dear Newt Gingrich:
So let me get this straight... While you were crucifying Bill Clinton for boinking an intern you were having your own affair. Ok, for the record, I'm not justifying what Clinton did... He lied under oath and that's a crime. But your moral high ground was shattered Newt when you admitted to the affair...
Now... now you're trying to claim that your "passion" for your country led you to make bad personal decisions including having an affair? REALLY?!?! It's not my fault I played hide the salami with someone other than my wife because I was SO passionate for my country I had to do it.
What the ever loving fuck.
---
“We must pledge ourselves to support those brave men and women who this very moment are carrying forth the struggle against British imperialism in the streets of Belfast and Derry."Yes this is the same Peter King who in 1982 was proclaiming on St Patrick's Day that we have to support the IRA. You know... the guys planting bombs in Northern Ireland... Now ok that was like 30 years ago... so all he has to do is come out and say "You know, that was a long time ago, I made some mistakes, I was wrong to support terrorists..." But did he? Nooooo...
"I understand why people who are misinformed might see a parallel {between the IRA and al Qaeda}," he told the Times. "The fact is, the IRA never attacked the United States. And my loyalty is to the United States."Riiiight... so the only bad terrorist is one that attacks the US?
---
Dumb commercial of the day... commercial for "doing the right thing" which shows a teenager finding a purse a woman left at a bus stop. He waits for the woman to come back, gives the purse to her who thanks him and goes on her way.
This is all witnessed by some cops who call the kid over... "Hey kid, nice move..." And then proceeds to offer the kid a donut.
Yes... Because all cops have a box of donuts in their car...
---
Finally a PSA to any EMT out there...
If you find a severed body part in an accident... regardless of how long it's been since the accident happened... YOU CANNOT KEEP THE BODY PART.
Apparently we have to tell EMTs this because some nimrod down in Florida (and WHY is it always Florida that has the idiots???) found a foot in a car after it was in an accident. The owner of the car had long since been evacuated to the hospital so there was no chance the foot could be reattached. Nonetheless, Cynthia Economou decided that since he wasn't going to need it, she'd keep the foot and use it to train her rescue dog.
Uh..... wut?
In 2009 she was convicted of petty theft and is being sued by the owner of the foot...
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Post 144
Ok... I had this big long post about the guys from American Idol and who I thought looked like who...
But you know sometimes it just doesn't feel right... and this one didn't. So you don't get to see my post about how one of them looked like Joey Tribbiani and how one looked like John Travolta from 1975 and how one looked like Yukon Cornelius ... Sorry.
Anyway...
Today in apostrophe abuse we have...
Uhh... either the Gold Pro is doing something or the Gold Pro has something...
---
So we started watching Torchwood... I'm only up to Episode 8 so...
For those who don't know... Torchwood is a BBC show that is a spin-off of Doctor Who. It features a team of operatives of the Torchwood Institute, a secret organization founded by Queen Victoria to deal with extraterrestrial issues after she has an encounter with The Doctor (Torchwood is an anagram for Doctor Who). This particular team, Torchwood 2, is centered in Cardiff Wales because... BCC Wales is the one that produces the series... actually it's because there is supposedly a time/rift/whatever centered in Cardiff.
Anyway the head of Torchwood 2 is Captain Jack Harkness, an immortal guy who used to travel in time and settled on Earth in the 1940s. He's very suave, all the women (and a lot of men) swoon at his mere glance and dresses in 1940s style.
In the first episode, Jack recruits Gwen Cooper, a police officer from Cardiff... Gwen is "normal"... she doesn't believe in aliens, is down to earth, has a fiance... Yeah normal is going to change soon...
Other members of the team are Owen Harper, a doctor, who is for the most part an arrogant ass... He's a womanizer who we see in the first episode using alien technology to get a woman to want to fuck him. When her boyfriend comes along and is about to kick Owen's ass... Owen uses the technology on him to and presumably the three go someplace and do it. Owen and Gwen get it on with some incredibly sexy dirty talk in the woods in the episode Countrycide.
Toshiko Sato is the tech guru of the team... She secrets is in love with Owen who is completely oblivious of it. She ends up having some nice lesbian sex with an alien in the episode Greeks Bearing Gifts.
The last of the crew (at least so far) is Ianto Jones... We don't know much about him except he had a girlfriend who was partially converted to a Cyberman during the Battle of Canary Wharf where Torchwood 1 was destroyed. Anyway, Ianto is the admin of the group...
Anyway Torchwood is is a lot like Doctor Who... except for mature audiences. It's much more sexual, everyone is fucking everyone else... much more gory, the episode Countrycide involved a village that murdered and butchered strangers for food complete with human carcasses... just much more everything... they're more likely to just kill an alien for no reason other than it's an alien.
Supposedly it gets better after the first season... we'll see...
---
So over in Libya they're beating the hell out of each other... Here's my take... and it may surprise you...
Everyone is saying "ZOMG We've got to do something!!!" but really, in my not so humble opinion, we need to make sure it's a fair fight... and so far the rebels have been doing a pretty good job themselves... they've got like 1/2 the country (at least half of the populated part, half of the country is actually the Sahara Desert)... Have they had some setbacks as Gaddafi's forces have struck back? Sure, but really what did you expect? And not to defend the bastard, but all this "I can't believe they're firing on civilians?!?!" uhhh... they're trying to storm a military base (well some of them at least) what did you expect the military to do? If a mass of civilians tried to storm Ft Dix do you think the Army would just roll over and say "Oh you're civilians... take everything you want!" No... they'd defend it. Now of course just firing indiscriminantly on peaceful protesters... yeah bad bad BAD. Firing on protesters trying to storm a secure location... kinda understandable.
Anyway... if it gets out of hand, sure set up the no-fly zone... but right now... let's see how this plays out.
----
Charlie Sheen has ceased to be funny and is just annoying now. Seriously Charlie... you called Duckie a troll? DUCKIE???
I mean c'mon... you called Duckie a troll because after you got his job taken away from him (one where you make a shit-ton more than him) he had the GALL to not call you and say "Thanks Bro, You know I didn't need that work anyway... after all my resume was PADDED with awesome rolls in between Pretty in Pink and Two and a Half Men.... Have fun with your whores and I'll chat with you later bro... BTW, can I get a cameo on your new online video blog?"
Prick.
----
So the Wisconsin Senate passed the anti-union bill... After weeks of insisting the need to end collective bargaining for public unions was only a fiscal matter... and since it was a fiscal matter it required 2/3 of the Wisconsin Senate to be present to vote on it... they decided to do what they had claimed they wouldn't do... the severed the anti-union portion of the bill and passed it 18-1.
Of course now it has to be sent back to the Wisconsin House because they passed the measure when it was part of the whole budget... which they did in another spectacularly shitty fashion a few weeks ago... See the Democrats there were using procedural methods to block the bill... then suddenly around midnight one night the Republicans gave "the signal" and opened the measure for a vote, all the Republicans votes then like literally seconds later they closed the vote before the Democrats had a chance to vote.
Now it'll undoubtedly it'll go back to the Wisconsin House where the Republicans will have to do some more legal gymnastics to get it passed...
Ok... I'm gonna scoot...
But you know sometimes it just doesn't feel right... and this one didn't. So you don't get to see my post about how one of them looked like Joey Tribbiani and how one looked like John Travolta from 1975 and how one looked like Yukon Cornelius ... Sorry.
Anyway...
Today in apostrophe abuse we have...
---
So we started watching Torchwood... I'm only up to Episode 8 so...
Other members of the team are Owen Harper, a doctor, who is for the most part an arrogant ass... He's a womanizer who we see in the first episode using alien technology to get a woman to want to fuck him. When her boyfriend comes along and is about to kick Owen's ass... Owen uses the technology on him to and presumably the three go someplace and do it. Owen and Gwen get it on with some incredibly sexy dirty talk in the woods in the episode Countrycide.Anyway Torchwood is is a lot like Doctor Who... except for mature audiences. It's much more sexual, everyone is fucking everyone else... much more gory, the episode Countrycide involved a village that murdered and butchered strangers for food complete with human carcasses... just much more everything... they're more likely to just kill an alien for no reason other than it's an alien.
Supposedly it gets better after the first season... we'll see...
---
So over in Libya they're beating the hell out of each other... Here's my take... and it may surprise you...
Everyone is saying "ZOMG We've got to do something!!!" but really, in my not so humble opinion, we need to make sure it's a fair fight... and so far the rebels have been doing a pretty good job themselves... they've got like 1/2 the country (at least half of the populated part, half of the country is actually the Sahara Desert)... Have they had some setbacks as Gaddafi's forces have struck back? Sure, but really what did you expect? And not to defend the bastard, but all this "I can't believe they're firing on civilians?!?!" uhhh... they're trying to storm a military base (well some of them at least) what did you expect the military to do? If a mass of civilians tried to storm Ft Dix do you think the Army would just roll over and say "Oh you're civilians... take everything you want!" No... they'd defend it. Now of course just firing indiscriminantly on peaceful protesters... yeah bad bad BAD. Firing on protesters trying to storm a secure location... kinda understandable.
Anyway... if it gets out of hand, sure set up the no-fly zone... but right now... let's see how this plays out.
----
Charlie Sheen has ceased to be funny and is just annoying now. Seriously Charlie... you called Duckie a troll? DUCKIE???
I mean c'mon... you called Duckie a troll because after you got his job taken away from him (one where you make a shit-ton more than him) he had the GALL to not call you and say "Thanks Bro, You know I didn't need that work anyway... after all my resume was PADDED with awesome rolls in between Pretty in Pink and Two and a Half Men.... Have fun with your whores and I'll chat with you later bro... BTW, can I get a cameo on your new online video blog?"
Prick.
----
So the Wisconsin Senate passed the anti-union bill... After weeks of insisting the need to end collective bargaining for public unions was only a fiscal matter... and since it was a fiscal matter it required 2/3 of the Wisconsin Senate to be present to vote on it... they decided to do what they had claimed they wouldn't do... the severed the anti-union portion of the bill and passed it 18-1.
Of course now it has to be sent back to the Wisconsin House because they passed the measure when it was part of the whole budget... which they did in another spectacularly shitty fashion a few weeks ago... See the Democrats there were using procedural methods to block the bill... then suddenly around midnight one night the Republicans gave "the signal" and opened the measure for a vote, all the Republicans votes then like literally seconds later they closed the vote before the Democrats had a chance to vote.
Now it'll undoubtedly it'll go back to the Wisconsin House where the Republicans will have to do some more legal gymnastics to get it passed...
Ok... I'm gonna scoot...
Monday, February 28, 2011
Post 143
Hey everyone...
Some quick thoughts...
First off on Libya... saw over the weekend that Gaddafi's son came out and said that the turmoil that is overtaking the country is WAY overblown... uh... yeah... where have we seen that before?
"They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion ... they are trying to sell to the others an illusion." - Baghdad Bob said as US troops were entering Baghdad.
----
OK... NFL Combine took place this weekend in Indianapolis.
For those who don't know... The Combine is the annual scouting event where the NFL invites like 150 college football players and puts them through a number of drill and tests for NFL scouts. They do agility drills, 40y dash, bench press, Wonderlic test... For the most part the Combine doesn't mean shit to anyone, but it's one of those things that can either get you on someone's radar or destroy your chances of being a high first-round pick.
That being said... I was running on the treadmill at the gym watching the Combine and the offensive linemen were running the 40y dash. Ok, I get that these guys are OL so no one is expecting them to run a 4.5 40, but really you'd think they'd go to their coach and say "Uh coach, I've been invited the Combine in a few months, do you think you could talk to the track coach and get him to help me with my sprinting technique?" I'm no sprinter but even I know you don't stand upright 5y out of the blocks... It's no wonder these guys were getting 5.5 40 times...
---
Speaking of idiots... Charlie Sheen.
That's all that really needs to be said about that... but since I like making fun of assholes I'll go on...
Ok so Charlie's been on a drug/alcohol binge for the last few months... hospitalized 3 times in 3 months... so bad that the producers of his TV show finally said "uhhh... that's enough" and suspended production for the rest of the season.
So what did Charlie do? Of course he went into psycho-mode and started lashing out at his boss... I mean seriously this guy is already the highest paid sitcom actor on TV making $1.8m an episode... But he called Chuck Lorre a "stupid little man" and that he wasn't on any drugs but rather on a "drug called Charlie Sheen!" He's now on the interview circuit having done the Today show and... whatever ABC's morning show is... Here's a nice quote when asked if he's afraid of relapsing (relapsing??? Doesn't that imply he was clean?)
"I just won't do it," he said. "I will not believe that if I do something, then I have to follow a certain path because it was written ... for normal people, people that aren't special, people that don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA"
Uh wut? Oh and the best thing? He said if he comes back to the show he wants a raise.... to $3mil per episode.
bahahahahaha...
ok I gotta get back to work... feel free to add your own favorite Charlie Sheen-ism...
"I just won't do it," he said. "I will not believe that if I do something, then I have to follow a certain path because it was written ... for normal people, people that aren't special, people that don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA"
Uh wut? Oh and the best thing? He said if he comes back to the show he wants a raise.... to $3mil per episode.
bahahahahaha...
ok I gotta get back to work... feel free to add your own favorite Charlie Sheen-ism...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Post 142
By federal law, women are prohibited from being in positions in the military that involve direct combat with the enemy. There are two branches of the Army that women can't serve in... Infantry and Field Artillery. Of course with today's warfare that's pretty much just a joke. There are no front lines. Combat Support and Combat Service Support branches now regularly engage with the enemy...
Which brings us to the story of SGT Leann Hester. SGT Hester was selling shoes in 2001 when she decided to enlist in the Kentucky National Guard. She attended Basic Training shortly after 9/11 when her drill instructors told her over and over that soon she would be fighting in a war. And in 2004 she we called up and sent to Iraq as part of a Military Police unit. Her job there was to secure convoy routes from insurgents and IEDs. And if you think that wouldn't involve combat, you're nuts.
On March 30th, 2005, SGT Hester was in a convoy when it was ambushed by insurgents. SGT Hester and her squad leader, SSG Timothy Nein, took up positions between the insurgents and the convoy they were protecting. For 45 minutes they fought off the insurgents. SSG Nein and SGT Hester dismounted their armored Humvees and lead the counterattack. By the time it was over 27 insurgents were killed and 7 captured. Only 2 US soldiers were injured.
For their actions that day, SSG Nein was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross, the 2nd highest award to the Medal of Honor. SGT Hester was awarded the Silver Star. She was the first woman since WWII to receive the award and the first ever to receive it for actions against an enemy force. In WWII, Army nurses had received the award for evacuating wounded under heavy fire.
If someone... man or woman... straight or gay... if anyone can do the job... it's our obligation to let them.
----
So Libya is about to be the next domino to fall in the Arab world...
Here's a quick background... Libya was ruled by a king until 1969 when a group of junior officers staged a bloodless coup d'tat while the king was out of the country... the leader of the officers promoted himself to Colonel and has ruled the country ever since.
I've never really understood by Gaddafy (or however you spell it, since there's no standardized way to Anglicize the Arabic name, one news company counted 26 different ways people have spelled it) chose to make himself a colonel instead of a general but whatever.
Anyway, unlike Egypt, these protests have been violent and Gaddafy has been rather brutal in his attempts to put it down... Estimates are that over 1000 people have died so far... But the noose is closing in on him. Government officials are resigning and military and security forces are defecting to the other side.
It's only a matter of time.
----
In Indycar news... the IRL is trying to lure some NAPCAR drivers to run the season finale race in Las Vegas... NAPCAR has a Saturday race so their Sunday is open... the carrot they're using? $5million. If a non-series regular wins the Las Vegas race they'll come away with a $5million bonus.
In other news, with the shitty economy it's getting harder and harder to get a ride. One of my new favorite drivers, Pippa Mann, has been searching for a ride for a while now... And now it looks like Tony Kanaan, a long time popular driver, has lost his sponsorship and therefor his ride. Sucks.
----
Dear Gas Stations...
I know that there's unrest in Libya... but really you know, I know, EVERYONE knows, you're just using that as an excuse to gouge us at the gas pumps.
There is NO legitimate reason to raise gas prices 30cents in one afternoon.
Fuckers.
On March 30th, 2005, SGT Hester was in a convoy when it was ambushed by insurgents. SGT Hester and her squad leader, SSG Timothy Nein, took up positions between the insurgents and the convoy they were protecting. For 45 minutes they fought off the insurgents. SSG Nein and SGT Hester dismounted their armored Humvees and lead the counterattack. By the time it was over 27 insurgents were killed and 7 captured. Only 2 US soldiers were injured.
For their actions that day, SSG Nein was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross, the 2nd highest award to the Medal of Honor. SGT Hester was awarded the Silver Star. She was the first woman since WWII to receive the award and the first ever to receive it for actions against an enemy force. In WWII, Army nurses had received the award for evacuating wounded under heavy fire.
If someone... man or woman... straight or gay... if anyone can do the job... it's our obligation to let them.
----
So Libya is about to be the next domino to fall in the Arab world...
Here's a quick background... Libya was ruled by a king until 1969 when a group of junior officers staged a bloodless coup d'tat while the king was out of the country... the leader of the officers promoted himself to Colonel and has ruled the country ever since.
I've never really understood by Gaddafy (or however you spell it, since there's no standardized way to Anglicize the Arabic name, one news company counted 26 different ways people have spelled it) chose to make himself a colonel instead of a general but whatever.
Anyway, unlike Egypt, these protests have been violent and Gaddafy has been rather brutal in his attempts to put it down... Estimates are that over 1000 people have died so far... But the noose is closing in on him. Government officials are resigning and military and security forces are defecting to the other side.
It's only a matter of time.
----
In Indycar news... the IRL is trying to lure some NAPCAR drivers to run the season finale race in Las Vegas... NAPCAR has a Saturday race so their Sunday is open... the carrot they're using? $5million. If a non-series regular wins the Las Vegas race they'll come away with a $5million bonus.
In other news, with the shitty economy it's getting harder and harder to get a ride. One of my new favorite drivers, Pippa Mann, has been searching for a ride for a while now... And now it looks like Tony Kanaan, a long time popular driver, has lost his sponsorship and therefor his ride. Sucks.
----
Dear Gas Stations...
I know that there's unrest in Libya... but really you know, I know, EVERYONE knows, you're just using that as an excuse to gouge us at the gas pumps.
There is NO legitimate reason to raise gas prices 30cents in one afternoon.
Fuckers.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Post 141
Well first off I have to say... Fuck you, Hosni Mubarak. For over 2 weeks I've been watching the events unfold in Egypt. I went to bed last night expecting to see the people of Cairo storming the presidential palace. I woke up this morning and the crowds were still growing. Then the ONE FUCKING TIME I wasn't watching is when you decide to resign. Thanks a whole hell of a lot asshole.
---
Ok... onto other things...
New secret in a PostSecret book...
----
Was at Goodwill the other day and came across this beautiful framed picture...
Because yeah, nothing more symbolizes Jesus's love that a fugly camel with fake eyelashes. I'm sorry Madeline, if Jesus really was your best friend he wouldn't subject you to such abhorrent pictures.
----
Dita von Teese was part of a celebrity runway show to kick off NY's Fashion Week... The show was a fundraiser for the Go Red For Women project by the American Heart Association to draw awareness to women and heart disease.
I've always been a fan of Ms von Teese but damn... just... wow.
Ladies and gentlemen... That is an AMAZING ass. Just sayin'.
-----
Best new "celebrity" twitter feed? President Josiah Bartlet. Yes I know... A> He wasn't really president... and B> He wasn't real. But still his tweets are almost always spot-on.
Finally one of my favorite people in the world died today.
---
Ok... onto other things...
New secret in a PostSecret book...
I have sex with random strangers from Craigslist. (Often multiple people at once). It's an incredible high. I'd die if my friends/family/co-workers found out.
----
Was at Goodwill the other day and came across this beautiful framed picture...
Because yeah, nothing more symbolizes Jesus's love that a fugly camel with fake eyelashes. I'm sorry Madeline, if Jesus really was your best friend he wouldn't subject you to such abhorrent pictures.
----
Dita von Teese was part of a celebrity runway show to kick off NY's Fashion Week... The show was a fundraiser for the Go Red For Women project by the American Heart Association to draw awareness to women and heart disease.
I've always been a fan of Ms von Teese but damn... just... wow.
Ladies and gentlemen... That is an AMAZING ass. Just sayin'.
-----
Best new "celebrity" twitter feed? President Josiah Bartlet. Yes I know... A> He wasn't really president... and B> He wasn't real. But still his tweets are almost always spot-on.
He's leaving, then he's staying, then he's leaving, then he's staying. I swear to God, Mubarak is the Brett Favre of Egypt.
I am amazed by the number of people who want to elect a television character. #DonaldTrump
Yesterday Chris Lee voted to extend the PATRIOT Act. I wonder if his views on Invasion of Privacy have changed since then.
I'm pretty sure if Lindsay Lohan was arrested for protesting in Egypt, we'd actually have coverage of it.----
Finally one of my favorite people in the world died today.
From 1946 until 2006 Tom Carnegie was the public address announcer at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway...
Tom was most famous for two phrases.... "Heeeeeeeee's on it!" when is what he said when the driver started his qualification run and "It's a neeeeeeew traaaaack record!"... the latter of which will most likely never be said again as the cars have been changes so Arie Luyendyk's 1996 record of 237.498mph will never be broken.
Godspeed Tom and thanks for the memories.
Tom Carnegie
Voice of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway
September 25, 1919 – February 11, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Post 140
Hello everyone...
So today is the day I talk about the Super Bowl... Probably more about the pop culture of it that the actual football because... well honestly it wasn't that interesting of a game.
First off... Dallas/Arlington... you get a big ass FAIL at hosting the Super Bowl. Ok I know there was a giant snow storm right before it, but it's not like that doesn't ever happen in Dallas... as a matter a fact 12 months ago on Super Bowl Sunday 2010, Dallas got hit by a snow storm. So to be as utter unprepared as you were was unacceptable. Bob Kravitz of the Indianapolis Star wrote a nice column about how that isn't going to happen next year when the Super Bowl is here in Indy. First off, we're prepared for snow. Secondly, even if we're not, Lucas Oil Stadium is downtown, not 30-45 minutes away... Additionally most of the major attractions downtown are all connected by tunnels/skywalks. You can maneuver from your hotel to the mall to the restaurant to the bar to the convention center for all the Super Bowl activities to the actual stadium... all without going outside. Finally... Seriously you couldn't get a whole section of seating ready BEFORE the game? Dallas had to refund a bunch of fans their money (at 3times face value) because the temporary seating wasn't ready and was deemed unsafe by the fire marshal. EPIC FAIL.
Ok... so Christina Aguilera... yeah... first off I thought her rendition of the National Anthem sucked. Just sing the fucking song and stop warbling every five seconds to show off your amazing vocal ability. Here's a hint, we're supposed to be paying tribute to the United States of America not trying to show off like a overly painted peacock.
Along that same vein... get the fucking song right! You're singing in front of the largest audience anyone will ever have (aside from maybe singing at the opening ceremonies of the Olympics). Maybe if you concentrated on the actual words to the song instead of trying to hit 5 notes in the span of one word you might actually get them right.
----------
Ok... so some things happened on the field, not many people cared about... Then some ads... Audi had an ad about people trying to escape from a luxury prison... complete with all the typical stereotypes of rich people. Yawn. Chevy had an ad about old people not being able to hear. Yawn. Doritos had an ad about a guy teasing a dog... eh mildly funny but took too long to set it up. Seriously should have had about 1/4 of the "C'mon boy, come get it!" and maybe it would be funnier. Then Doritos had an ad that was just icky... guy so obsessed with Doritos that he was licking other people's fingers and sniffing their pants. Really? FAIL. Pepsi had a typical girlfriend gets mad because horny guy stares at another woman ad, gee never seen THAT before. Some movie I have no interest in had a commercial... then Pepsi had another ad where a guy gets hit in the nuts with a soda can... Another Doritos ad where guy is completely irresponsible but saves the day with Doritos.
Poseidon apparently is so in love with Kia cars that he wants one... and so do maniacal Bond-like supervillians and aliens, but in the end ancient Aztecs get it... huh? Another movie commercial... this one I DO want to see... Cowboys & Aliens! Yes!!! Eminem has officially sold out and made a commercial for ice tea... but says he doesn't do commercials (yea stay tuned for that later...) Of course we have a trashy Go Daddy commercial. Apparently Go Daddy has enough money to buy the integrity of not only Danica Patrick but also Jillian Michaels (Joan Rivers never had any integrity did she?) And finally there was a tire commercial about a guy who accidentally does a "reply all" on his email. I didn't really get what that had to do with tires but whatever. So it's the end of the first quarter and the Packers are up 14-0.
-------------
On to the 2nd quarter... where we have a beer commercial... remember beer? They advertise during the Super Bowl sometimes... anyway it's set in the Old West where a local ruffian is turned into an Elton John singing pussycat by a Budweiser. The best commercial (and of course everything here should be prefaced with "in my not so humble opinion") so far was the Faith Hill flower commercial. Faith is trying to coach a guy in what to write on the card when he's sending flowers to his girl friend... "Just write what's in your heart..."... "Dear Kim, your rack is unreal." Another movie commercial, this time for Transformers... as my daughter said "How many movies can they make about robot cars?" exactly. Apparently Coke will transform a dragon's breath from fire into fireworks... Did not know that. Another movie commercial, for Thor, not particularly excited about that...
The winner of the Super Bowl ads was actually decided before they were even shown. VW smartly released its ad before the Super Bowl and it went viral. The ad featured a little kid, probably about 7 or 8, dressed as Darth Vader going around trying and failing to manipulate things with the Force. He tries the cat, the washing machine, a doll, lunch, etc etc. Finally Dad comes home and he tries Dad's car. Dad is watching from the kitchen window and uses the remote starter to start up the car making the kid think he actually did it. WIN!
Let's see... CareerBuilder had their monkey commercial... yeah it stopped being funny a few years ago guys... Cars.com had a play on "kid in a candy store"... bleh. Ooo.... another car commercial... this one for Chevy... Guy goes on a date with girl and on the way home uses OnStar to check his Facebook. Really? Are we that fucking lazy and obsessed with Facebook that we need our car to read it to us? Really?!?! Then there's another Marvel movie commerical... this one for Captain America... Yeah categorize it with Thor. Just meh. Hey it's halftime and Green Bay is up 21-10.
-----
Ok... now we get to the halftime show sponsored by someone I don't give a rat's ass about. The Black Eye Peas were the halftime entertainment. Now most of the time the BEP is a group I hate but end up singing along to their infectious hits anyway. So I wasn't really looking forward to this halftime show anyway... and they lived up to my expectations.
The show was all flashy and everyone was wearing clothes that lit up as if they were on the set of Tron. Seriously Fergie, you don't need your boobs to light up, we know they're there. They did mediocre renditions of their hits. Then Slash appeared off to the side and Fergie slaughtered "Sweet Child O' Mine"... just painful to listen to... And Slash... really rhine-stoning your hat? So sad.
Even the halftime show stage had problems at Cowboys Stadium... During "Where Is The Love?" the stage was supposed to light up to spell out LOVE but a section of the stage didn't light up so it just look like LOl'E. LOL indeed, quite fitting.
Usher sang a song too but the most impressive thing about that was him jumping over someone and landing in the splits.
-----
Ok on to the 3rd quarter... Cars.com has another ad, this time about how it's really not good to go "first" but rather to have other people get hurt testing things for you. E-Trade has another talking baby commercial. Dear E-Trade: See what I said about the CareerBuilder ad and multiple by 10.
Another favorite of mine of the evening was the Best Buy ad featuring Ozzy supposedly hawking cell phones... "How many bloody G's are there?" Then Justin Beiber comes in to sell the latest and greatest 6G phone and they show Ozzy and Sharon off to the side... Sharon: "What's a 6G?" Ozzy: "What's a bieber?" Bieber in bad roadie disguise: "I dunno, kinda looks like a girl..." Well I thought it was funny at least. Ozzy is always funny IMNSHO.
Anyway there was some commercial from Homeaway.com about something... I still don't know what the hell it was about, which if you didn't know is a BAD thing. Mini has a new car called the Countryman and did the sexual double entendre... "Josh, have you ever crammed it in the boot before?" yeah... subtle. Oh and there's a new Pirates of the Caribbean movie... Coke has a commercial about enemy soldiers bonding over a pop... Hyundai tries to convince us their cars are interesting when they're really not...
The Groupon ad has caused a little controversy. Timothy Hutton (who BTW, I love in Leverage) narrates about how we're going to lose the Tibetan culture blah blah blah and then morphs it into but I got a great deal with Groupon at a Tibetan restaurant. People this it's rather exploitative. Yeah whatever. They have another ad with someone else famous doing the same thing with the Amazon deforestation.
Adrien Brody sings a song for Stella Artois (hey more beer!)... A commercial for Simon's new talent show X-Factor... Acura tries to convince us a station wagon is sporty (FAIL)... and then the NFL shows us all classic TV stars as NFL fans... Nicely done I think. Carmax has a guy who thinks he's being carjacked when he gets old-style service at a gas station.
Final ad of the 3rd quarter I'll talk about is the Chrysler ad. This one was actually pretty slick. It's a 2 minute ad and starts with a voice-over about how hard Detroit's has had it, but how all those hardships have just made Detroit better and how they really know how to make great cars. Then they start to show Eminem driving around Detroit. "Now we're from America, but this isn't New York City. Or the Windy City. Or Sin City. And we're certainly no one's Emerald City." He stops and goes into a theatre with a gospel choir, steps up on stage and turns to the camera. "This is the Motor City. This is what we do." As someone from Michigan and lived just south of Detroit... I thought the ad was awesome.
Oh btw... Packers are still leading 21-17.
--------------
On to the 4th quarter... Some animated movie called Rango... Cars.com has a commercial with talking cars a la Cars... Bud Light has a guy with dogs that can do anything, including serve beer, cook and wash dishes... so of course he hosts a party. Another animated movie about parrots in Rio... and another Pepsi commercial, this time with "What she thinks/What he thinks" and of course hits all the stereotypes. Hyundai has another commercial, this time saying that it's better when things evolve... Not sure what they're saying... VW has a commercial about a fast beetle...
Fox has a commercial for House that emulates the classic Mean Joe Greene Coke commercial... except instead of tossing the kid a jersey House tosses his cane at a kid and bonks him in the head. I laughed, which in my scoring scheme is an A+.
Ok... honestly this is getting long and I'm bored... so I'll just hit a few more highlights (or lowlights)...
Skechers has whored-out Kim Kardashian for their shoes... and yes I used that phrase appropriately.
New TV show "Terra Nova" is about how in the future we've destroyed Earth so much that we have to send people back to the dinosaur time. Seriously is this not Avatar II? They even got the same evil colonel to say "Welcome to Terra Nova!" instead of "Welcome to Pandora!"
ok... that's all I got...
So today is the day I talk about the Super Bowl... Probably more about the pop culture of it that the actual football because... well honestly it wasn't that interesting of a game.
First off... Dallas/Arlington... you get a big ass FAIL at hosting the Super Bowl. Ok I know there was a giant snow storm right before it, but it's not like that doesn't ever happen in Dallas... as a matter a fact 12 months ago on Super Bowl Sunday 2010, Dallas got hit by a snow storm. So to be as utter unprepared as you were was unacceptable. Bob Kravitz of the Indianapolis Star wrote a nice column about how that isn't going to happen next year when the Super Bowl is here in Indy. First off, we're prepared for snow. Secondly, even if we're not, Lucas Oil Stadium is downtown, not 30-45 minutes away... Additionally most of the major attractions downtown are all connected by tunnels/skywalks. You can maneuver from your hotel to the mall to the restaurant to the bar to the convention center for all the Super Bowl activities to the actual stadium... all without going outside. Finally... Seriously you couldn't get a whole section of seating ready BEFORE the game? Dallas had to refund a bunch of fans their money (at 3times face value) because the temporary seating wasn't ready and was deemed unsafe by the fire marshal. EPIC FAIL.
Along that same vein... get the fucking song right! You're singing in front of the largest audience anyone will ever have (aside from maybe singing at the opening ceremonies of the Olympics). Maybe if you concentrated on the actual words to the song instead of trying to hit 5 notes in the span of one word you might actually get them right.
----------
Ok... so some things happened on the field, not many people cared about... Then some ads... Audi had an ad about people trying to escape from a luxury prison... complete with all the typical stereotypes of rich people. Yawn. Chevy had an ad about old people not being able to hear. Yawn. Doritos had an ad about a guy teasing a dog... eh mildly funny but took too long to set it up. Seriously should have had about 1/4 of the "C'mon boy, come get it!" and maybe it would be funnier. Then Doritos had an ad that was just icky... guy so obsessed with Doritos that he was licking other people's fingers and sniffing their pants. Really? FAIL. Pepsi had a typical girlfriend gets mad because horny guy stares at another woman ad, gee never seen THAT before. Some movie I have no interest in had a commercial... then Pepsi had another ad where a guy gets hit in the nuts with a soda can... Another Doritos ad where guy is completely irresponsible but saves the day with Doritos.
Poseidon apparently is so in love with Kia cars that he wants one... and so do maniacal Bond-like supervillians and aliens, but in the end ancient Aztecs get it... huh? Another movie commercial... this one I DO want to see... Cowboys & Aliens! Yes!!! Eminem has officially sold out and made a commercial for ice tea... but says he doesn't do commercials (yea stay tuned for that later...) Of course we have a trashy Go Daddy commercial. Apparently Go Daddy has enough money to buy the integrity of not only Danica Patrick but also Jillian Michaels (Joan Rivers never had any integrity did she?) And finally there was a tire commercial about a guy who accidentally does a "reply all" on his email. I didn't really get what that had to do with tires but whatever. So it's the end of the first quarter and the Packers are up 14-0.
-------------
On to the 2nd quarter... where we have a beer commercial... remember beer? They advertise during the Super Bowl sometimes... anyway it's set in the Old West where a local ruffian is turned into an Elton John singing pussycat by a Budweiser. The best commercial (and of course everything here should be prefaced with "in my not so humble opinion") so far was the Faith Hill flower commercial. Faith is trying to coach a guy in what to write on the card when he's sending flowers to his girl friend... "Just write what's in your heart..."... "Dear Kim, your rack is unreal." Another movie commercial, this time for Transformers... as my daughter said "How many movies can they make about robot cars?" exactly. Apparently Coke will transform a dragon's breath from fire into fireworks... Did not know that. Another movie commercial, for Thor, not particularly excited about that...
The winner of the Super Bowl ads was actually decided before they were even shown. VW smartly released its ad before the Super Bowl and it went viral. The ad featured a little kid, probably about 7 or 8, dressed as Darth Vader going around trying and failing to manipulate things with the Force. He tries the cat, the washing machine, a doll, lunch, etc etc. Finally Dad comes home and he tries Dad's car. Dad is watching from the kitchen window and uses the remote starter to start up the car making the kid think he actually did it. WIN!
Let's see... CareerBuilder had their monkey commercial... yeah it stopped being funny a few years ago guys... Cars.com had a play on "kid in a candy store"... bleh. Ooo.... another car commercial... this one for Chevy... Guy goes on a date with girl and on the way home uses OnStar to check his Facebook. Really? Are we that fucking lazy and obsessed with Facebook that we need our car to read it to us? Really?!?! Then there's another Marvel movie commerical... this one for Captain America... Yeah categorize it with Thor. Just meh. Hey it's halftime and Green Bay is up 21-10.
-----
The show was all flashy and everyone was wearing clothes that lit up as if they were on the set of Tron. Seriously Fergie, you don't need your boobs to light up, we know they're there. They did mediocre renditions of their hits. Then Slash appeared off to the side and Fergie slaughtered "Sweet Child O' Mine"... just painful to listen to... And Slash... really rhine-stoning your hat? So sad.Even the halftime show stage had problems at Cowboys Stadium... During "Where Is The Love?" the stage was supposed to light up to spell out LOVE but a section of the stage didn't light up so it just look like LOl'E. LOL indeed, quite fitting.
Usher sang a song too but the most impressive thing about that was him jumping over someone and landing in the splits.
-----
Ok on to the 3rd quarter... Cars.com has another ad, this time about how it's really not good to go "first" but rather to have other people get hurt testing things for you. E-Trade has another talking baby commercial. Dear E-Trade: See what I said about the CareerBuilder ad and multiple by 10.
Another favorite of mine of the evening was the Best Buy ad featuring Ozzy supposedly hawking cell phones... "How many bloody G's are there?" Then Justin Beiber comes in to sell the latest and greatest 6G phone and they show Ozzy and Sharon off to the side... Sharon: "What's a 6G?" Ozzy: "What's a bieber?" Bieber in bad roadie disguise: "I dunno, kinda looks like a girl..." Well I thought it was funny at least. Ozzy is always funny IMNSHO.
Anyway there was some commercial from Homeaway.com about something... I still don't know what the hell it was about, which if you didn't know is a BAD thing. Mini has a new car called the Countryman and did the sexual double entendre... "Josh, have you ever crammed it in the boot before?" yeah... subtle. Oh and there's a new Pirates of the Caribbean movie... Coke has a commercial about enemy soldiers bonding over a pop... Hyundai tries to convince us their cars are interesting when they're really not...
The Groupon ad has caused a little controversy. Timothy Hutton (who BTW, I love in Leverage) narrates about how we're going to lose the Tibetan culture blah blah blah and then morphs it into but I got a great deal with Groupon at a Tibetan restaurant. People this it's rather exploitative. Yeah whatever. They have another ad with someone else famous doing the same thing with the Amazon deforestation.
Adrien Brody sings a song for Stella Artois (hey more beer!)... A commercial for Simon's new talent show X-Factor... Acura tries to convince us a station wagon is sporty (FAIL)... and then the NFL shows us all classic TV stars as NFL fans... Nicely done I think. Carmax has a guy who thinks he's being carjacked when he gets old-style service at a gas station.
Final ad of the 3rd quarter I'll talk about is the Chrysler ad. This one was actually pretty slick. It's a 2 minute ad and starts with a voice-over about how hard Detroit's has had it, but how all those hardships have just made Detroit better and how they really know how to make great cars. Then they start to show Eminem driving around Detroit. "Now we're from America, but this isn't New York City. Or the Windy City. Or Sin City. And we're certainly no one's Emerald City." He stops and goes into a theatre with a gospel choir, steps up on stage and turns to the camera. "This is the Motor City. This is what we do." As someone from Michigan and lived just south of Detroit... I thought the ad was awesome.
Oh btw... Packers are still leading 21-17.
--------------
On to the 4th quarter... Some animated movie called Rango... Cars.com has a commercial with talking cars a la Cars... Bud Light has a guy with dogs that can do anything, including serve beer, cook and wash dishes... so of course he hosts a party. Another animated movie about parrots in Rio... and another Pepsi commercial, this time with "What she thinks/What he thinks" and of course hits all the stereotypes. Hyundai has another commercial, this time saying that it's better when things evolve... Not sure what they're saying... VW has a commercial about a fast beetle...
Fox has a commercial for House that emulates the classic Mean Joe Greene Coke commercial... except instead of tossing the kid a jersey House tosses his cane at a kid and bonks him in the head. I laughed, which in my scoring scheme is an A+.
Ok... honestly this is getting long and I'm bored... so I'll just hit a few more highlights (or lowlights)...
Skechers has whored-out Kim Kardashian for their shoes... and yes I used that phrase appropriately.
New TV show "Terra Nova" is about how in the future we've destroyed Earth so much that we have to send people back to the dinosaur time. Seriously is this not Avatar II? They even got the same evil colonel to say "Welcome to Terra Nova!" instead of "Welcome to Pandora!"
ok... that's all I got...
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